FASHION COMMENTARY
Muffin Tops- Friend, Foe Or The Truth Exposed?
By: The Fashion Bitch
Muffin tops - once a sweet, tasty, crusty opening to an otherwise bland baked good - were oh so worshipped back in the day. Worshipped so much a whole episode of Seinfeld was dedicated to these mouth watering morsels, with Seinfeld and the gang even opening a store dedicated to them. Oh how times have changed.
Don’t be fooled my friends! Many years later, a new strain of muffin top lurks among us. A horrible offence to not only to good taste, but to good fashion, is occurring and even you may have been a culprit. I’m talking about the fashion muffin top.
What is this you might say? Lookers beware…
A muffin top is the unsightly, bodily spillage which occurs on women, and even worse men, when one’s low rise jeans are worn frighteningly too tight. Its silhouette may be distinguished if you look upon its bearer from full frontal goriness.
This beast in its natural habitat seen most often in club land, may most often paired with a half top and at the worst of times paired with its cousin, GULP, the g-string line!
There are a few things I recommend you do if you see these creatures:
- Recommend a top falls slightly past the hip line be worn, as to deter attention. Maybe a loose fitting tunic or t-shirt less body hugging (must be loose fitting as not to suffocate the beast).
- A higher rise jean. (As Brooke Shields would say, “nothing gets past me or my muffin top!”).
- Meet a close friend or relative to a muffin top and explain to them one of the above remedies. After all, friends don’t let friends wear muffin tops!
Flat stomachs may ignore this warning for now, but always be wary because one day someone may see you and say, “Hey there Muffin Top!” This may seem like a pleasantry, but there is great malicious intent behind it. Read this and tell all your friends because the muffin top exists and will maybe be after you too! |
