SCENESTER SINFUL SIPS
Full of Tits & Ass
by Landon Rak
Okay, so the good folks at Smirnoff have come up with another product trying to corner the niche of ready-made vodka drinks. By their own literature they're targeting the young male (18-24) crowd by launching a marketing campaign full of tits and ass… oh yeah, and booze. 'Cuz drinking booze automatically gets you tits and ass, don't you know? And even more specifically, if you drink Smirnoff Fire, well… you'll just be drowning in tits & ass.
Forget the fact that it tastes like ass. All you have to do is drink it and you'll get some.
Here's my idea of a marketing campaign for this horrendous product: Smirnoff Fire. Drink it if you want tits & ass. It tastes better when it comes back up the second time. Mmmmm Hell, if you drink enough of it, you might actually fool yourself into thinking it tastes good.
Sorry Smirnoff, but Fire is definitely not Ice (which I will drink from time to time. Assuming of course that I have a full stock of Advil at home, and absolutely no plans until minimum 6pm the next day).
Hey, maybe Fire doesn't give you a hangover? Too bad I'll never be able to stomach enough of the shit to find out.
It would be easy to never drink again if this was the only crap on the market.
Landon's Social Alcoholism Rating:
Smirnoff FIRE = Self-Induced REHAB
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